Illumenation! Halloween Edition

Halloween:  Come Out and Play with the Men of Illumenate for a scary good time!  Come to a place where young gay/bi Ghost and Goblins (ages 18-29) get together to meet new people, talk about sex, relationships, friendships, and much more.   

This edition of Illumenation is Halloween themed! We encourage you to come in your best Halloween gear (costumes) This Illumenation will also feature some fun games and Halloween themed goodness.  It's a great time to get all those burning questions answered and have a LOT of fun doing it! 

All you have to do is bring yourself and we will give you:   FREE FOOD, A TSHIRT, A MONSTER MASH-UP CD, EDUCATION, FUN & SO MUCH MORE! 

Sign up and get your questions answered Here

Guiding Light

Social Based: We create an environment that is fun and safe for young gay/bi men to themselves. We achieve this by hosting social events and meetings with fun activities and lots of good food! See our Calendar!

Community Building: Our goal is to create a community that can help foster a safe environment for young gay/bi men to Come Out & Play.

Gay/BI Positive: For young gay/bi men & by young gay/bi men. Our Core Group makes all the decisions, join us and help develop a positive Gay/Bi Community for young men. This is an opportunity to be whoever you want to be in a safe place.

Sex Positive: This is an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. We advocate sex education and safer sex. We provide free condoms and lube at all of our events or just stop by our office!

Empowerment: We encourage everyone to be the best person you can be. (well us and Oprah.) We encourage developing confidence in your own capacities.

Peer Influenced Safer Sex: What a GREAT way to talk about sex with your friends. If you have the knowledge then help us spread the word. Safer Sex is the Hottest Sex! We encourage you to talk to your friends about sex…got questions? We’ve got Answers! Attend Illumenation and we will guide you on your way to becoming a Sexpert!

A Message from The Ladies of Positive Link

Positive Link, a program of Indiana University Health Bloomington, offers free HIV testing on Mondays from 2pm to 6pm. We are temporarily using only venipuncture tests for HIV. These tests are as accurate as the rapid, oral HIV tests. Venipuncture testing for Hepatitis C and Syphilis is also available for those who qualify. Venipuncture results take one to two weeks and HIV results must be given face-to-face.

Illumenation

Come Out. Have Fun. Get Turned On.

September 14th, 2011 7-10pm

Illumenate

333 East Miller Drive

Bloomington, IN 47401

This is a fun and safe environment to make new friends and to discuss sex, relationships, friendships & a lot more! We will provide the education, fun, FREE FOOD, and a free T-shirt...you bring yourself!

Questions? Contact Patrick at pbattani@iuhealth.org or 812/3533276

Slippery Slope

Dear Argenta,

What is the best lube for anal sex?

Dear Slippery when Wet,

Querido, there is no one answer to this question.  Try all different kinds to find what works best for you or ask a friend…um…I guessed you asked me, huh? 

Here is my take on it. As long as the lubricant is condom safe (water-based or silicone based) then I would use whatever.  There are a millón opciones!  Anything from Boy Butter (I really like saying that one) to KY.  They also come in all different sizes.  I would recommend that when you are out buying lube that you go to an Adult Bookstore or online, they usually have these little pillow packs that come in all different types.  Try those out! 

My second favorite es gratis, you know the free stuff that the Men of Illumenate give out.  They have these little pillow packs in all kinds of Flavors and types.  You should check it out, Papi! That way you can save money and have some fun doing it! (Ay, I am so pun-y)  

Whatever you choose, Papi; just make sure that you make healthy choices about sex!

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am sending you un beso grande y un abrazo fuerte! 

Gracias Querido for Asking Argenta!

Dear Argenta,

A friend recently told me that he liked me "More than friends".  I feel like this is a downward slope and I am not interested in anything but friendship from him, what do I do?

Dear Downward Slope,

Querido, this can be a very touchy subject for people.  Nobody likes rejection, however; it’s a fact of life.  My advice to you would be to sit him down and talk to him about this issue, if he is willing.   It takes a lot of courage to actually tell someone you like them.

There are some things that you should be prepared for.  You are going to bring up some emotion for this person and yourself.  It is hard to tell someone you care about that you don’t want to date them; because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.   Unfortunately, you are going to hurt their feelings.  So if your friend pulls away from you a little, that is okay.  Give them time and space to deal with the rejection.  You should also let him know that you don’t want to lose the friendship that you have.   

Sometimes in these situation emotions run deeper then you thought.  This could cause some problems in the way of a lot of rumors, talk, y Drama.  If you care about the relationship you do have you will do what mi mama always said “Cuanto menos se diga, major” (the less said the better).   Just let these things go. (that’s easy, es cierto?) 

Por otro lado, everything could be fine and at least you both understand the situation.  Let’s hope for that one! Pero Querido, don’t dwell on the subject either.  That is the worst thing.  I have una problema with that.  Dwelling on the situation will only make things worse, move forward.  I say this with caution…Move forward, with or without your friend. 

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am sending you un beso grande y un abrazo fuerte! 

Gracias Querido for Asking Argenta!

Poppers and Play Things!

Dear Argenta,

What’s the real T on Poppers? I hear they are dangerous and can put you at risk for HIV, is that true?  I have a lot of friends that use them.

Dear Concerned “Friend”,

Querido, thank you for this question!  I, too, hear about a lot of “Popper” use in our community.   There is a great controversy over the use of Poppers and its effects on our community.   It is believed that because they are relatively “harmless”, then we shouldn’t worry.  There is no evidence that shows that Poppers are physically addictive, however; some studies show that they can become psychologically addictive. 

Poppers are butyl or amyl nitrate.  Here is how they work: Poppers increase your heart rate, dilate your arteries and cause your blood pressure to drop. This produces a "rush" as your heart struggles to keep blood flowing to your brain.   Now, I am no Doctora, but it sounds pretty dangerous to me Papi!  The sensation that you get from this is a warm flash and intense sexual drive.  This will only last about 30 seconds to a minute.

Poppers were first designed for heart patients and were only available via prescription until 1960 and in 1988 alkyl nitrites were outlawed by Congress except for “Commercial Use”.  At that point they appeared as Video Head Cleaner and air fresheners. Today they are isobutyl nitrite and sold in gas stations under names like “Rush”, “Snappers” and “Liquid Gold”.  (It is illegal to sell them as an inhalant in the United States) 

As too how dangerous they are, A 1983 U. S. Consumer Product Safety Commission investigation Briefing Package stated that "Available injury data did not indicate a significant risk of personal injury or illness from room odorizer abuse."   Poppers can cause burns if spilled on the skin or brief erectile dysfunction.  Papi, don’t go mixing Poppers with prescription vasodilators, such as Viagra®, it can cause MAJOR problems like fainting, stroke, or heart attack! 

Now, there is no biological evidence that states the use of Poppers will put you at a greater risk for HIV.  However, being under the influence of anything could cause poor decision making.  Papi, you know what poor decision making leads too…Poor Decisions!  

One last thing Papi, Poppers have been known to lower the strength of the Immune System for 1 to 2 day afterwards.  This is why you…I mean; your friends can get very sick after using them.  This is especially true for people who already have a weak immune system.

I just want your friends to be safe!  Like any drug prescription or otherwise know what you are taking, know the source, do the research.  Like mi madre always said, “One minute of pleasure, could be a life time of pain”.

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am going to send you un beso grande y un abrazo fuerte! 

Gracias Querido for Asking Argenta!

Dear Argenta,

I've gone to a couple adult video arcades several times.  One here in Bloomington, another in Clarksville.  I have also been to the bath house Club Indianapolis twice and The Works once.  I've received oral sex from several men anonymously and have also given it a couple times.  I have never let someone ejaculate in my mouth (though once a man did on my chest/stomach) and it has never gone further than oral sex.  What are the chances of me having an HIV infection?  Also, is there somewhere in Bloomington I can get tested for that on a Sunday (tomorrow)?

Dear Wanderer,

Querido, I am sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you…this computer thing still confuses me.   The correlation between oral sex and HIV is one that has been talked about forever. Studies show that you can contract it, others say no.   Here is what I say!

Yes! You can contract HIV from Oral Sex.   Now, it is a small chance (1-7% according to a British study).  You are doing the right thing by not allowing your partner to ejaculate (cum) in your mouth.   Here are some rules for oral sex:

1)      Use a flavored condom (this is the safest)

2)      Don’t allow your partner to cum in your mouth.

3)      Mama always said “Spit or Swallow…don’t let it wallow”

In the future we will actually be doing a blog post more in-depth about Oral sex and HIV.  Until then Click Here for what the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have to say.

As for Testing on Sunday…Ay Querido, these ladies at the Positive Link work so hard, I let them have Sunday off.  If you need a test please call 812.353.3169 or 800.313.4645 and they can make an appointment for you.  They are also at the GLBT Student Services Center Thursdays from 11-2pm, Walk-in hours every Monday from 2-6pm and once a month we are at Uncle E’s for Testing, Trivia & Tiaras where we provide free testing. 

I hope that helps!

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am going to send you un beso grande y un abrazo fuerte! 

Gracias Querido for Asking Argenta!

Why do men love boobs?

Dear Concerned,

Querido, that’s like asking “How many licks does it take to get to the center of tootsie roll pop?”  “The world may never know!”   However, here is one explanation.

Thanks for the “Mammary’s”,

Argenta

Not all men have penises. Statements like, “I know that men do not have vaginas” makes me feel sad and erased. ): just sayin’…would be nice if your language was more trans inclusive.”

Dear Sad,

The article in question is Bad Bottoms and not an Ask Argenta post.  However, I do want to address this issue.  The phrasing that was used “I know that men do not have vaginas” was used to illustrate a point.  Prior to that statement the article talked about the use of feminine hygiene products for anal cleanliness. It was a statement that was used to bridge the two discussions. 

It is not in any way intended to single out or erase the transgender community.  We would love to have someone write for the Illumenate blog about Transgender issues, if you are interested please email illumenate.

With that said, I would like everyone to remember one thing.  One of our ground rule here at Illumenate is to speak from our own experience and to try not generalizing for the whole community.  If you have a story to tell or something to say from your experience, the Men of Illumenate welcome you to voice that opinion at the weekly core group meeting or here on the blog.

Un Abrazo fuerte y un beso grande,

Argenta.

ABC's of Being a Top!

Everyone knows their ABC’s…or at least I hope you do.  So being a “good” top requires some work. Knowing your ABC’s or After, Before and Cleanliness is important. So we are going to talk a little bit about how to achieve this.  Just remember that this is for information purposes only and cannot replace the advice of a trained medical professional.

Before

Before you engage in any sexual act with any partner make sure that you ask about your partner’s sexual history. Make it fun by looking at their pictures together. Talk about what you and he liked and disliked about the physical encounters.  This will help both of you understand how to make sex fun and hot.  This is also a good time to ask if they have any Sexually Transmitted Diseases or if they have ever been tested. 

If you were a scout you know that you should always be prepared! What does that actually mean?  It means that you should have your own supply of condoms and water-based lube.  Don’t trust that the other person will have some.  If you are out at the bar, condoms are likely available at the door, if you don’t see any ask the staff if there are any left.

When you have your condoms, make sure that the condom is new, not expired, does not have any visible signs of damage (tears, holes, etc.) and still has air in the packaging. You can check for air by squeezing the package gently between the thumb and index finger. 

If this is someone you talked to online, bring your own condoms and lube with you.  Make a little hook-up kit!  (We’ll tell you how to do that later)  Keep you hook-up kit is a safe place that is easy to access. Don’t leave your condoms in your car or wallet, temperature changes can damage the condom!

Body

Your body is a temple, so make sure you treat it the same way.  Keep it clean! Make sure that there are no abrasions on the penis, unusual discharge, bumps, or rashes.  Just make sure that everything is on the up and up, down under.  Do this inspection in the mirror, it will help you to understand your body and know what your body looks like so that if anything changes you will know.  This will also give you a great chance to do a self testicular exam, which needs to be performed once a month.   Watch this Video to see how it is done.

(Spoiler Alert: This video contains nudity...like you couldn't figure that out...but you should know that it is NSFW and if you are offended by seeing a medical video of a naked man getting a testicular exam then you shouldn't watch it!)

Cleanliness

As they say, Cleanliness is next to Godliness!  Make sure that you are washing your genital area every day.  This will ensure that penis is clean from any debris or dirt that may be present. Use a mild soap with no fragrances to avoid irritation. If you are uncircumcised (uncut) pull back the foreskin and clean underneath it.  

Care

If you chose to shave or wax the pubic area know how to care for that area.  The pubic area is more sensitive than the face.  There can be some mishaps if you shave the pubic area.  For example: itching, irritation, rash, and Folliculitis* to name a few.  You can use baby powder to help keep everything dry and fresh when you work out.  Just make sure that you wash it off before having sex. If there are any nicks, cuts, or irritation I would recommend that you do not engage in sexual activity until that heals.  If you continue to have irritation after shaving or waxing, stop and see a doctor. 

*Folliculitis is the inflammation of one or more hair follicles. The condition may occur anywhere on the skin.

After

After having sex, make sure that you pull out of your partner all the way.  If you used a condom walk away from you partner and take the condom off and throw it away.  You may also have an urge to urinate; do not hold it in this will help to flush out bacteria. 

You should try to clean yourself as soon as you can after sex.  Pay special attention to the genital area and get it nice and clean.  Again, if you are uncircumcised, pull back the foreskin and clean that area as well.  Take this time to inspect your genital area for any irritation, bumps or abrasions that might have occurred during sex.

If at anytime you have any unusual discharge, pain during urination or ejaculation, sores, or swollen testicles, you should seek medical attention immediately. This may be a sign of an STD or other complications. If you have any questions about the signs or symptoms of STD’s click here.

So, now that you know the ABC’s of being on Top. Go out there and be the best Top you can be.  They always say practice makes perfect, just make sure that you always wear the proper safety equipment.  You would not jump out an airplane without a parachute!  

Uncomfortably Numb

Argenta,

I think I am sexually numb. It has gotten to the point that I have slept with guys way into the triple digits, but only actually wanted to sleep with a handful of them. Its like I can't help myself. I feel like I do it to feed to something deep within me that is never truly fed. A craving for contact or closeness that perhaps I never feel like I truly achieve.

I don't want to be like this anymore, but I don't know how to stop. I'm always safe during a hook up, but its gotten so extreme that sometimes I will hook up with someone and then drive to another guys house right after. What is wrong with me? Why can't I control myself?

Dear Numb,

Papi, sometimes in our lives we need to feel that closeness to someone else. That is so natural! I like to feel close to a number of men; Mr. Cartier & Mr. Lauren are my favorite! But, this isn’t about me. 

Primer, “Buen trabajo, Papi” (good job) on playing safe!  You know Argenta loves that! Some old dead man once said: “Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie” (I Googly’d it).  Now, I don’t really know what that means (sometimes old dead people sound smarter); But, I think that you answered your own question.  You said, “I feel like I do it to feed to something deep within me that is never truly fed. A craving for contact or closeness that perhaps I never feel like I truly achieve.”   See you already know the T, Papi.  Let me tell you something, first you have acknowledged within yourself something. Now, Baby, the next step is to try and do something about it. If you truly want change, YOU CAN! 

Mi mamá used to tell me “Al buen entendedor, pocas palabras bastan” which loosely translate to “a good listener is one of few words”.  I would recommend talking to someone who knows a lot about this professionally.  They know stuff too! Let me tell you, Papi, they have helped Miss Argenta many times.  There is nothing wrong with talking to people who can be objective and know stuff too. 

Papi, one time Miss Argenta thought she had lost her mind. (I had only misplaced it)  I went right into that office and said “Argenta needs to talk!” do you know that they took me back and let me talk about myself for one whole hour.  Ay Dios, that’s my favorite subject!  This little mami really helped me.  If you would like those resources email me.

The other thing I love to do is to be with my people! I love to meet and sit with them and listen to their stories! It is always fun to make new friends that make you feel good about you without sex.   There is nothing better than un abrazo fuerte (a strong hug) from a un buen amigo to make you feel warm and fuzzy.  There are lots of ways to make new friends.  You could join a club or go to events for the community.  You can check out our calendar on this blog or contact the GLBT Student Services for their calendar.  I will tell you the Men of Illumenate make this Diva feel good.  (They even gave me my own blog!) Try something new that will make you feel good about YOU!

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am going to send you un beso grande (a big kiss) y un abrazo fuerte! 

Graias Querido (thank you love), for Asking Argenta! 

Argenta! 

I always feel uncomfortable in places with a lot of gay people. I always feel judged whenever I go to the bar or a gay party. I like hanging with gay people, but in mass quantities I always freeze up. What does that say about me?

Dear Uncomfortable,

Ay querido, I have been there, done that, got a t-shirt, and wrote a country song, but now I am Country Strong!   Let me tell you a story.

When I was a little girl in los Pampas, I always felt different.  Little did I know that was just the feeling of being a Diva.  Anyway, I did not want to hang out with all the other little girls or boys because I always felt that someone was gonna judge me.  Maybe I didn’t have the right clothes or shoes or the right words.  Ay querido, I just felt so right in the wrong place.

When I moved to Bloomington, that first week I went to the bar.  Ay, they were like vultures to a carcass. Everyone wanted to know who this Beautiful Creature was!  So it seemed like I was right back in los Pampas, everyone looking at and talking about me.  I stood there like a, cómo se dice, a deer in head lights. Then I realized, let them talk, let them look…that will make me famous!

Let me get back to your question. Baby, first I need to know what “mass quantities” are and then we need to figure out why nobody invited Argenta!  Sometimes it is a hard road to come out and find a community of your own.  It may seem like people are judging you, but most often that is not the case.  Sometimes, it’s just that they don’t know you.  Our community is a very close knit group.  When we see someone who we have never seen before, it is very easy to put up the defenses and call a threat level orange. 

Another point I would like to make is, sometimes, we do not accept ourselves as much as we should.  They call this Internalized Homophobia. (I Googly’d that too) This may make us feel uncomfortable around other gay people.  This is very common in someone that has just come out. 

I will tell you this.  There are so many beautiful people in our community.  One thing that I have done to get over my shyness is to walk up to people and introduce myself.  Find out a little about them, people love to talk about themselves.  Once you make yourself do this a couple of times, then it will become second nature.  And don’t worry about the haters, haters gonna hate!  Just remember to do you boo, do you!

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am going to send you un beso grande y un abrazo fuerte! 

Graias Querido for Asking Argenta! 

Argenta!