Party Idea: Safer-Sex Fiesta!

Chef BoyRUGay would like to remind readers to Ask Argenta, if you have any questions about sexual health, relationships, or living life with pride! 

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to watch the elusive Ms. Perón host a game show at La Casa, the Latino Culture Center at Indiana University Bloomington.  The game was a twist on the timeless “Newlywed Game,” in which contestants tried to guess their partners’ answers to questions about relationships (What would your partner give up for love?), sex(Where does your partner prefer to be kissed?) and STI’s(Does your partner know which bodily fluids carry HIV?).  It was obvious that Argenta had done her research, and I was reminded of a few facts I had forgotten. 

The funniest moment came when participants were asked to identify the safest means of STI prevention.  One enthusiastic audience member yelled out what the Chef was already thinking:  “Masturbation!”

This week’s challenge is to share healthy eating habits with others.  Come up with a few invasive questions of your own, and invite friends for stimulating conversation, over these flavorful, nutritious quesadillas.  A note of caution: use a little tact if you plan to invite Argenta over for Taco Night.

The following recipe is courtesy of the South Beach Diet:

Chicken Quesadillas

Ingredients:

4 whole wheat (8-inch) tortillas

2 (6 oz.) boneless, skinless chicken breasts, pre-cooked and thinly sliced

1 cup, shredded, reduced-fat cheddar or Monterey jack pepper cheese (I like to use ½ cup of eachJ)

1 avocado, pitted, peeled and thinly sliced

2 green onions, thinly sliced

Salt and black pepper

Directions:

Heat oven to 200 degrees.

Heat 1 tortilla in a nonstick skillet over medium heat until warm, about 1 minute.

Sprinkle tortilla with ¼ of the chicken, cheese, avocado, onions, and a pinch of salt and black pepper.

Cover the skillet and cook until the cheese melts, about 2 minutes.

Use a spatula to remove the tortilla from to a plate or cutting board.  Fold the tortilla in half and place on a baking sheet in the warm oven.

Repeat three times with remaining ingredients.

Cut each quesadilla into 3 triangles.

These quesadillas are very filling!  They served as dinner and next-day lunch for two, when I made them.  Salsa, guacamole and low-fat sour cream (or yogurt)are tasty complements to this dish!

Illumenation! Halloween Edition

Halloween:  Come Out and Play with the Men of Illumenate for a scary good time!  Come to a place where young gay/bi Ghost and Goblins (ages 18-29) get together to meet new people, talk about sex, relationships, friendships, and much more.   

This edition of Illumenation is Halloween themed! We encourage you to come in your best Halloween gear (costumes) This Illumenation will also feature some fun games and Halloween themed goodness.  It's a great time to get all those burning questions answered and have a LOT of fun doing it! 

All you have to do is bring yourself and we will give you:   FREE FOOD, A TSHIRT, A MONSTER MASH-UP CD, EDUCATION, FUN & SO MUCH MORE! 

Sign up and get your questions answered Here

Illumenation

Come Out. Have Fun. Get Turned On.

September 14th, 2011 7-10pm

Illumenate

333 East Miller Drive

Bloomington, IN 47401

This is a fun and safe environment to make new friends and to discuss sex, relationships, friendships & a lot more! We will provide the education, fun, FREE FOOD, and a free T-shirt...you bring yourself!

Questions? Contact Patrick at pbattani@iuhealth.org or 812/3533276

Bi, Bi, Birdie!

He stood, hand on stylish jeaned-hip, gracefully sipping his grande iced chai.  As he gazed in the direction of the Men’s Interest magazines, hand rose to lips in astonishment, then fell to his chest, as though to protect his heart.   “I’d love to motorboat that shit” (actual quote), his wistful sigh escaped as he finally lowered his hand to clasp that of his boyfriend, who giggled in titillated agreement.

This is the scene I envisioned when my boyfriend told me that he had seen and overheard another male-male couple, as they ogled the cover of—no, not DNA or Men’s Fitness—the 2011 Swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated, in the bookstore where we are both employed.. 

To be honest, a number of my coupled gay and lesbian friends have confessed to me that they are bisexual, and to be perfectly honest, I’ve not always held these confessions in the utmost reverence.  My joking is certainly, in no small portion, a kneejerk reaction to a difference I have not tried hard enough to understand. 

I tend to think of myself as a Kinsey 6. Having struggled to come out and be comfortable openly loving a partner of my same gender, it is difficult for me to see the attraction in doing anything sexual with a woman, beyond a sisterly air kiss or a supportive back rub.  Frankly speaking, my fantasizing about straight sex would feel like returning to the oppressive lifestyle I was assigned from birth.  Sorry, ladies.

Nonetheless, it seldom fails, when I am out with a group of reasonable size at Uncle E’s, that one or more of my queer male friends will become enamored with a straight girl’s chest or a lesbian who is “fuckin’ hot” (another actual quote).  And more than once, an ostensible lesbian has been inexplicably drawn to one of my homo homies (yes). 

All too often, their comments are greeted with overt or covert mockery (“Looks like our little diva is straight, after all…straight to the next man!”)  Though I may join in the fun, the better part of me knows that this is wrong. Secretly, the idea of loving beyond gender is one to which I wish I could aspire.  Bisexual people represent freedom from the binary we find so oppressive in the first place. 

So this week’s recipe, by way of peace offering, is dedicated to any friends I have ever maligned.  It carries the best of both worlds: big balls and a great rack.  Giada de Laurentiis has been made famous on the Food Network for her quick and easy Italian dishes.  Her flavorful, moist turkey meatballs comprised the entrée of the meal that stole my heart and landed it solidly in the hands of my boyfriend.  We enjoy watching her cook because the food is amazing, but also because we’re possibly a little bit bi. 

As the following video will attest, an inordinate number clips of Giada chopping, dicing or stirring seems to center around her generally low-cut cleavage, with soft, 90’s-style porn music in the background…and I’ll be damned if this doesn’t somehow make the food look better!  Paging Dr. Freud:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6DxffYN8I8

Giada’s fantastic turkey meatballs are best enjoyed in marinara with whole-wheat penne…or sans pasta, with lots of leafy greens on the side.

To make the meatballs, mix the following in a medium bowl, by hand:

1 lb.  Ground turkey

2 large beaten eggs

2 tbsp. Milk

3/4 tsp. Salt

3/4 tsp. Black pepper

1/4 c. chopped parsley (Flavor alert!)

1/4 c. breadcrumbs (potato flakes are a winning gluten-free substitute)

1/2 c. grated Parmesan or Romano cheese (Flavor warning!!!)

Shape the mixture into balls (should make about 24), and place them in a large skillet, coated with 1/4 c. of extra-virgin olive (pre-heated on medium-high heat).  Cook the meatballs, on medium-high, for about 3-5 minutes, browning on each side.  This can be done in batches so you’re not constantly turning over meatballs.  After they’re completely browned reduce heat to low and add sauce and cooked pasta (if desired) to the skillet.  Toss all of these for about 1 minute.  Turn off the heat, and you’re ready to serve.

Feelin ballsy?  Here’s a link to a Giada’s recipe for a simple tasty homemade marinara to complement the meat:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYVtZraZfBo

And finally, since she was a little more covered up in the previous clip, here’s some gratuitous cleavage.  Gentlemen, start your motorboats!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92iLXC93mE8

ABC's of Being a Top!

Everyone knows their ABC’s…or at least I hope you do.  So being a “good” top requires some work. Knowing your ABC’s or After, Before and Cleanliness is important. So we are going to talk a little bit about how to achieve this.  Just remember that this is for information purposes only and cannot replace the advice of a trained medical professional.

Before

Before you engage in any sexual act with any partner make sure that you ask about your partner’s sexual history. Make it fun by looking at their pictures together. Talk about what you and he liked and disliked about the physical encounters.  This will help both of you understand how to make sex fun and hot.  This is also a good time to ask if they have any Sexually Transmitted Diseases or if they have ever been tested. 

If you were a scout you know that you should always be prepared! What does that actually mean?  It means that you should have your own supply of condoms and water-based lube.  Don’t trust that the other person will have some.  If you are out at the bar, condoms are likely available at the door, if you don’t see any ask the staff if there are any left.

When you have your condoms, make sure that the condom is new, not expired, does not have any visible signs of damage (tears, holes, etc.) and still has air in the packaging. You can check for air by squeezing the package gently between the thumb and index finger. 

If this is someone you talked to online, bring your own condoms and lube with you.  Make a little hook-up kit!  (We’ll tell you how to do that later)  Keep you hook-up kit is a safe place that is easy to access. Don’t leave your condoms in your car or wallet, temperature changes can damage the condom!

Body

Your body is a temple, so make sure you treat it the same way.  Keep it clean! Make sure that there are no abrasions on the penis, unusual discharge, bumps, or rashes.  Just make sure that everything is on the up and up, down under.  Do this inspection in the mirror, it will help you to understand your body and know what your body looks like so that if anything changes you will know.  This will also give you a great chance to do a self testicular exam, which needs to be performed once a month.   Watch this Video to see how it is done.

(Spoiler Alert: This video contains nudity...like you couldn't figure that out...but you should know that it is NSFW and if you are offended by seeing a medical video of a naked man getting a testicular exam then you shouldn't watch it!)

Cleanliness

As they say, Cleanliness is next to Godliness!  Make sure that you are washing your genital area every day.  This will ensure that penis is clean from any debris or dirt that may be present. Use a mild soap with no fragrances to avoid irritation. If you are uncircumcised (uncut) pull back the foreskin and clean underneath it.  

Care

If you chose to shave or wax the pubic area know how to care for that area.  The pubic area is more sensitive than the face.  There can be some mishaps if you shave the pubic area.  For example: itching, irritation, rash, and Folliculitis* to name a few.  You can use baby powder to help keep everything dry and fresh when you work out.  Just make sure that you wash it off before having sex. If there are any nicks, cuts, or irritation I would recommend that you do not engage in sexual activity until that heals.  If you continue to have irritation after shaving or waxing, stop and see a doctor. 

*Folliculitis is the inflammation of one or more hair follicles. The condition may occur anywhere on the skin.

After

After having sex, make sure that you pull out of your partner all the way.  If you used a condom walk away from you partner and take the condom off and throw it away.  You may also have an urge to urinate; do not hold it in this will help to flush out bacteria. 

You should try to clean yourself as soon as you can after sex.  Pay special attention to the genital area and get it nice and clean.  Again, if you are uncircumcised, pull back the foreskin and clean that area as well.  Take this time to inspect your genital area for any irritation, bumps or abrasions that might have occurred during sex.

If at anytime you have any unusual discharge, pain during urination or ejaculation, sores, or swollen testicles, you should seek medical attention immediately. This may be a sign of an STD or other complications. If you have any questions about the signs or symptoms of STD’s click here.

So, now that you know the ABC’s of being on Top. Go out there and be the best Top you can be.  They always say practice makes perfect, just make sure that you always wear the proper safety equipment.  You would not jump out an airplane without a parachute!  

BAD Bottoms!

Before I start this blog, I want to make sure that everyone understands that this is strictly about information and prevention of disease.  (i.e. HIV/STD).  No information on this blog can replace the advice of a Doctor. 

Today’s post is about the Bottom! In the public health world we refer to bottoms as the “Anal Receptive Partner”. There are some things that bottoms should know about having a healthy…well, bottom. I want you all to be B.A.D. Bottoms!  That means that you have to take care of yourself Before, After, and During sexual intercourse. 

Before

Let’s start at the beginning…a very good place to start. There is an enormous pressure on the bottom to be immaculate. This has caused some discourse in the community and some major miscommunications. This has also lead to the misuse of hygiene products.

There is a lot of debate on whether enemas and douches are safe. Here is some information that I found about the health of using these products. I do not endorse or condone the use of these products.  Again, ask your Doctor if these things are right for you. 

Many men have turned to using Feminine hygienic products or “Douche”.  These are products that force a stream of water or other chemicals into the vagina to “clean”.  There is a lot of debates about douching.  Here is the reality, vaginal douching is actually not a healthy practice.  The American Journal of Public Health has shown studies that say it reduces the chance of pregnancy and can also change the Ph levels leading to infection. 

Now, I know that men do not have vaginas; but, if it isn’t healthy for the vagina it isn’t healthy for the anus.  The anus has mucous membranes which tears easily.  Where there is tearing there is a chance of infection; not to mention the chemicals in douche can actually leave the anus in an unhealthy state. 

Enemas of any kind can irritate the lining of the bowel. The bowel contains bacteria, which help digest food. The bowel lining keeps bacteria out of the bloodstream. After an enema or douche, these bacteria, which are not harmful when they stay inside the colon, can be released into your bloodstream and can cause serious illness.

Enemas have other risks as well. Using enemas more than once a week can interfere with the chemical balance of the body and cause dangerous changes of potassium and sodium in the blood stream. In severe cases, these imbalances can cause seizures. Over time, people who use enemas can become so constipated that they cannot move their bowels at all without an enema. Let’s be real, nobody likes a cranky bottom!

Discuss this issue with your partner. You may be more concerned about cleanliness than he is. He may not be bothered by a small amount of feces. Using a towel will protect the sheets, and a condom (which you are using every time, right?) will keep his penis clean and protect you from infections.

Generally, people move their bowels more easily after eating. This is because eating causes the intestines to contract, moving feces towards the rectum. So (assuming you are not constipated), if you have moved your bowels that day and avoid eating for a few hours before sex, there should not be much feces in your rectum. Before sex, wipe your anal area with a moist cloth to remove any residue. It’s better to clean with a cloth rather than toilet tissue, which tends to shred and leave bits attached to the skin.

During

Is this your first time? Using the anus for sex can be very pleasurable.  There are millions of nerve endings in the anus and for men the act of anal sex could stimulate the prostate.  I know that you are eager to find out what feels good for you…but slow down there turbo.  Let’s talk about anal sex. 

First, a penis is far too large (or at least some hope), to just go in the anus right away.  You may want to start with something smaller.  Using a finger or a small sex toy can teach a bottom how to relax and ease your way into the bigger things.

During sexual intercourse there are many ways to protect the bottom.  The obvious way is to use a condom and water-based lubricant.  This will protect you and your partner if used correctly.  The water-based lube will help avoid damaging the anal opening and walls. 

Many people ask how much lube should I use?  Well the answer is simple…A LOT!  I am not saying you have to set up a lube wrestling ring in your bedroom, but the more lube you have the easier things slide.  As the bottom, you know when it is too dry or hurts too much!  You’d betta tell somebody!  Communication is not only a key to a healthy relationship but a healthy sex life.   Just remember to use something that is safe to use with latex condoms.  The lube should not be petroleum based or contain nonoxynol-9.

If you choose to have bareback sex, make sure that you both know your HIV/STD status.  Once again make sure that you are using enough lube.  This will cut down on the tearing, which decreases your risk for HIV/STD.

After

Now that you are all done…that doesn’t mean you can forget about you bottom.  Anal health is very important.  You need to make sure that you are getting a regular anal exam.  Some STDs do not have symptoms that show in the anus.  I would also recommend that you talk to your Dr. about “Anal Pap Smears”. 

Anal Papilloma is a concern among Gay and Bi men. Anal Papilloma is caused by the Human Papillomavirus (HPV).   This could cause warts, and may cause cancer in the anus or on the penis.   Here is some more information that you can take to your Dr. about Anal Paps.  

There are some other issues related to sexual health such as Anal Fissures and Hemorrhoids. Fissures are small tears in the skin or tissue of the anus.  Hemorrhoids are inflamed enlarged veins.  These are things that if you engage in anal sex you need to make sure are getting checked. 

Just make sure to make a bottom check up part of your regular testing routine.

So that’s it Bois!  Make sure that you are regularly checked for HIV, Syphilis and other STDs.   If you haven’t already, go out and get your Hepatitis Vaccines for A & B to avoid the spread of those diseases.  Remember, be a BAD Bottom!

Bottoms Up!  

Heartbreaker and el Perro Loco

So I have this problem; I am the type of guy that people find attractive right off the bat, and would rather see a relationship spur forth than a friendship. I suppose that isn't so bad because most of these people get to know me and decide that being my friend is better than being in a relationship. The reason for this is I'm a messy dater, or at least I think. I feel like I'm on the hunt all the time, and once I find my quarry and become involved with them, I get bored or skittish. This is getting frustrating. I hate being single, but I can't being in a committed relationship with anyone because I feel like I get bored or scared after the Honeymoon effect wears off... please give me something that will break me of this, I feel like I'm leaving a trail of blood, tears, and bodies everywhere I go.

Dear Heartbreaker,

Querido, The first thing I need for you to understand is who you are.  What do you want?  I know that you said that you feel like you are on the hunt all the time.  Maybe this is because you haven’t identified what it is you are actually hunting for!  You see it’s like those times where you are so hungry that you will just about put anything in your mouth!  Instead you need a well-balanced diet. 

Dating can be very messy for one reason…lack of communication.  I hear so many of the Papis talking about this.  If you are interested in a relationship with someone then you must set that up before moving forward.  You have to let people know your intent, because we cannot read minds.   This will also help with the part where you get bored. As cliché as it sounds Communication is the key to any good relationship!

However, I am going to take a step back for a second.  You mentioned that you hate being single…Why?  Are you afraid of being alone?  Querido, you can’t have it both ways.  If you hate being single then you need to work on your relationship skills, in turn; if you can’t be single then you won’t understand how to be in a relationship.  Ms. RuPaul says “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else?”  and I say AMEN!

I want you to do Miss Argenta a favor; I want you to take out a pen and a piece of paper.  I want you to write down these three things:  I FEEL LOVED WHEN, I FEAR, I WANT.   Now when you put those down I want you to make a list of things that fall under those categories.   I want you to think long and hard about what each of those things mean.   Really identify what it is that fits into those phrases.  

I will also provide you with this resource; I want you to read the book Boyfriend 101: A Gay Guy's Guide to Dating, Romance, and Finding True Love by Jim Sullivan.   There are some really great exercises in the book that will help you define what you are looking for and give you tips on how to achieve those goals. 

As for the trail of blood, tears, and bodies…I think it’s time to mend those broken hearts.  Take a moment and talk to these poor Papis.  Talking to them may give you some insight into what is going on.  It will also give you a chance to apologize to help close those chapters of your life. 

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am going to send you un beso grande y un abrazo fuerte! 

Gracias Querido for Asking Argenta!

Argenta,

I have recently (in the past year or so) discovered that I'm bisexual. The person that helped me understand this part of me has all but locked me out of his mind and left me 4 weeks after "helping me" out. I am still in a sense in love with him. Not only do I owe him thanks for making me into this new person, but I still feel like no matter what he does I would still run back to him with my ears perked and tail wagging, bounding like a dog hopped up on chocolate (not knowing that it's bad for me). HELP

I have recently been able to deal with this situation (although I would love to hear you address that problem still) and though not able to completely stop my blushing cheeks and stupid smiles when I see him I have had the chance to further my search for someone that I can see myself with. One of which is a guy that I have just recently gotten to know and have crushed hard and fast for. Only problem, I don't know if he is to put it frankly, bi/gay. I am going crazy, I think I found someone that I could see myself being with forgetting my past crush that has been pressing me for a year, but I don't know if he is into me...what do I do? HELP

Dear Perro Loco,

HIT THE BREAKS, Querido.  There is a whole lot going on right here!  I will address both issues, but first, let me talk about coming out a little.  This is a process that is sometimes difficult.  It is nice that someone helped you to understand the process; however, it was your strength that gave you the ability to accept yourself and be open about your sexual orientation.  

This is the oldest story in the book; “Our first “loves” break our hearts.”   It may take a while for you to get over that.   You are putting a lot of power into his hands.  You owe him nothing, instead you owe yourself everything.  I said it before; it is your own strength that helped you come to terms with who you are.  This will take some time, but I promise you that you will one day be able to walk away.   If you haven’t had a discussion with this person about how you are feeling, I suggest that you do!  You need to use “I” statements and not accuse anyone of anything.   Just having the ability to get it out will help a lot. 

That feeling of being “hopped up on chocolate” is actually kind of a true statement.  When we fall for someone our brain is wired to create all kinds of chemical reactions.   Some studies show that we release a “drug” called Phenethylamine (PEA).  PEA is a natural monoamine alkaloid, trace amine, and psychoactive drug with stimulant effects that can be found in Chocolate.  It’s kind of like that drunk girl who sings about “Your Love is my Drug”.   Once that dissipates, that feeling will go away too! (See I told you all I know stuff)

As for the second half of that question, two issues! 1) You need to find out if he is gay/bi or whatever.  This means that you have to ask him.  That can be difficult, but probably the most important part.  2) Be careful about “replacing” one for the other.   That is typically called a rebound relationship.   I would recommend taking some time to figure out what you really want.  I also recommend that you read the previous blog posts.  They might give you some insight on how to handle this situation.   Just remember that you have to take care of yourself and make clear decisions about what you want.

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am going to send you un beso grande y un abrazo fuerte! 

Gracias Querido for Asking Argenta!

Uncomfortably Numb

Argenta,

I think I am sexually numb. It has gotten to the point that I have slept with guys way into the triple digits, but only actually wanted to sleep with a handful of them. Its like I can't help myself. I feel like I do it to feed to something deep within me that is never truly fed. A craving for contact or closeness that perhaps I never feel like I truly achieve.

I don't want to be like this anymore, but I don't know how to stop. I'm always safe during a hook up, but its gotten so extreme that sometimes I will hook up with someone and then drive to another guys house right after. What is wrong with me? Why can't I control myself?

Dear Numb,

Papi, sometimes in our lives we need to feel that closeness to someone else. That is so natural! I like to feel close to a number of men; Mr. Cartier & Mr. Lauren are my favorite! But, this isn’t about me. 

Primer, “Buen trabajo, Papi” (good job) on playing safe!  You know Argenta loves that! Some old dead man once said: “Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie” (I Googly’d it).  Now, I don’t really know what that means (sometimes old dead people sound smarter); But, I think that you answered your own question.  You said, “I feel like I do it to feed to something deep within me that is never truly fed. A craving for contact or closeness that perhaps I never feel like I truly achieve.”   See you already know the T, Papi.  Let me tell you something, first you have acknowledged within yourself something. Now, Baby, the next step is to try and do something about it. If you truly want change, YOU CAN! 

Mi mamá used to tell me “Al buen entendedor, pocas palabras bastan” which loosely translate to “a good listener is one of few words”.  I would recommend talking to someone who knows a lot about this professionally.  They know stuff too! Let me tell you, Papi, they have helped Miss Argenta many times.  There is nothing wrong with talking to people who can be objective and know stuff too. 

Papi, one time Miss Argenta thought she had lost her mind. (I had only misplaced it)  I went right into that office and said “Argenta needs to talk!” do you know that they took me back and let me talk about myself for one whole hour.  Ay Dios, that’s my favorite subject!  This little mami really helped me.  If you would like those resources email me.

The other thing I love to do is to be with my people! I love to meet and sit with them and listen to their stories! It is always fun to make new friends that make you feel good about you without sex.   There is nothing better than un abrazo fuerte (a strong hug) from a un buen amigo to make you feel warm and fuzzy.  There are lots of ways to make new friends.  You could join a club or go to events for the community.  You can check out our calendar on this blog or contact the GLBT Student Services for their calendar.  I will tell you the Men of Illumenate make this Diva feel good.  (They even gave me my own blog!) Try something new that will make you feel good about YOU!

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am going to send you un beso grande (a big kiss) y un abrazo fuerte! 

Graias Querido (thank you love), for Asking Argenta! 

Argenta! 

I always feel uncomfortable in places with a lot of gay people. I always feel judged whenever I go to the bar or a gay party. I like hanging with gay people, but in mass quantities I always freeze up. What does that say about me?

Dear Uncomfortable,

Ay querido, I have been there, done that, got a t-shirt, and wrote a country song, but now I am Country Strong!   Let me tell you a story.

When I was a little girl in los Pampas, I always felt different.  Little did I know that was just the feeling of being a Diva.  Anyway, I did not want to hang out with all the other little girls or boys because I always felt that someone was gonna judge me.  Maybe I didn’t have the right clothes or shoes or the right words.  Ay querido, I just felt so right in the wrong place.

When I moved to Bloomington, that first week I went to the bar.  Ay, they were like vultures to a carcass. Everyone wanted to know who this Beautiful Creature was!  So it seemed like I was right back in los Pampas, everyone looking at and talking about me.  I stood there like a, cómo se dice, a deer in head lights. Then I realized, let them talk, let them look…that will make me famous!

Let me get back to your question. Baby, first I need to know what “mass quantities” are and then we need to figure out why nobody invited Argenta!  Sometimes it is a hard road to come out and find a community of your own.  It may seem like people are judging you, but most often that is not the case.  Sometimes, it’s just that they don’t know you.  Our community is a very close knit group.  When we see someone who we have never seen before, it is very easy to put up the defenses and call a threat level orange. 

Another point I would like to make is, sometimes, we do not accept ourselves as much as we should.  They call this Internalized Homophobia. (I Googly’d that too) This may make us feel uncomfortable around other gay people.  This is very common in someone that has just come out. 

I will tell you this.  There are so many beautiful people in our community.  One thing that I have done to get over my shyness is to walk up to people and introduce myself.  Find out a little about them, people love to talk about themselves.  Once you make yourself do this a couple of times, then it will become second nature.  And don’t worry about the haters, haters gonna hate!  Just remember to do you boo, do you!

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am going to send you un beso grande y un abrazo fuerte! 

Graias Querido for Asking Argenta! 

Argenta!