A Note from Argenta

Dear Queridos,

Yesterday, I had a moment of sadness.  When I learned of Jamey Rodemeyer my heart became heavy.  I became so enraged at what people are doing to our children. I know many of you have experienced this hate first hand.  There is no way for me to apologize for what people have done to you or make it go away.  I can only offer you a safe and fun environment to be yourself…whoever that is! 

Jamey’s story is not unique, unfortunately.   There are so many youth out that have to endure this vile hatred and have had listen to bigots spew poison.  Papis, every day I walk into my office and look at my poster from the Trevor Project.  This poster says “I am glad I failed at suicide because my life is so amazing now” and I think “Me Too, Papi, me too”.   There are way too many unique and beautiful people in our community to lose one.   YOU could cure disease, create masterpieces, change the world…but you have to be here to do it! Who knows, you could be the first gay president…as long as I get to be on the cabinet!  As Mr. Marlo Thomas (Phil Donahue) said “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

If you, at any time feel depressed, sad, or that you want to harm yourself or others; please talk to someone.  There are many resources in the community.  Many of them are free! I encourage you all to take a moment and connect with a friend and let them know you care.

So take a moment right now to Text, Call, Facebook, G+, Tweet, Morris Code, Smoke Signals, WHATEVER, and tell them that if they need, you will channel Oleta Adams and get there!  

Please Queridos, take care of yourselves and each other!

Un gran beso y un abrazo grande y fuerte,

Argenta

Guiding Light

Social Based: We create an environment that is fun and safe for young gay/bi men to themselves. We achieve this by hosting social events and meetings with fun activities and lots of good food! See our Calendar!

Community Building: Our goal is to create a community that can help foster a safe environment for young gay/bi men to Come Out & Play.

Gay/BI Positive: For young gay/bi men & by young gay/bi men. Our Core Group makes all the decisions, join us and help develop a positive Gay/Bi Community for young men. This is an opportunity to be whoever you want to be in a safe place.

Sex Positive: This is an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. We advocate sex education and safer sex. We provide free condoms and lube at all of our events or just stop by our office!

Empowerment: We encourage everyone to be the best person you can be. (well us and Oprah.) We encourage developing confidence in your own capacities.

Peer Influenced Safer Sex: What a GREAT way to talk about sex with your friends. If you have the knowledge then help us spread the word. Safer Sex is the Hottest Sex! We encourage you to talk to your friends about sex…got questions? We’ve got Answers! Attend Illumenation and we will guide you on your way to becoming a Sexpert!

Illumenation

Come Out. Have Fun. Get Turned On.

September 14th, 2011 7-10pm

Illumenate

333 East Miller Drive

Bloomington, IN 47401

This is a fun and safe environment to make new friends and to discuss sex, relationships, friendships & a lot more! We will provide the education, fun, FREE FOOD, and a free T-shirt...you bring yourself!

Questions? Contact Patrick at pbattani@iuhealth.org or 812/3533276

Marginally Frustrated

Dear Argenta,

Sometimes I feel like there is so much hate in our own community. It's weird cause I have spent so much time alleviating myself of judgment that I forget that some people still have them. I think that we are all so genuine and unique. Why must I be marginalized within my own community? Can't we all accept our differences and empower each other? I'm just frustrated at some (not all) gays who believe that cutting others down is imperative to prove something about themselves.

I'm open to your thoughts on this matter.

Dear Marginally Frustrated,

Ay Querido, this one weighs heavy en mi corazón!  In this matter, I have to speak my truths.  I am guilty as charged when it comes to passing judgments on others.  I love my community, I love my brothers, but sometimes; it’s a matter of loving me.   So for this one I will first speak to my own experiences.  

For me, growing up wasn’t always the easiest.  I was not only judged because of my exceptional beauty, but also for being “different” from everyone else in so many ways.  I was also given a set of expectations from my family on how to act, dress, speak, etc.  I will never say that I had a hard family life; it was filled with lots of love, but a lot of expectations. 

When I first encountered My People, I was very unsure about things.  Did I have the right style, right hair, am I too fat and so much more.  These little insecure thoughts became overwhelming.  At that moment my self-esteem was far from good.  So, I began to project those insecurities on to other people. 

Sometimes, Querido, I believe that because of what we all had to grow up with (i.e. stigma, homophobia, and fear) causes Papis to have a negative sense of self.   When we get around each other, sometimes we are reminded about all of those negative feelings.  So instead of identifying the true feeling, we purge our own consciousness and throw them onto others.

A second thought is that people are often the most vicious to their own kind. It's easier being vicious to people of one's own group than to people that stigmatized you in the first place.  If we were to project on to those who stigmatize us, we would risk being stigmatized even more. If they project on to other stigmatized gay men who may also have low self-esteem, those “victims” are less likely to have the energy or courage to retaliate against you. Those gay men who project on to others know precisely how bad it feels to be dumped on by other people (after all, they themselves went through a whole lifetime of abuse by society). They know precisely where to stab their brothers for maximal hurt.

One last thing Querido, make sure that you check in with yourself.  Look at all the ways you interact with others and know that sometimes without knowing it; we too pass a little judgment.  (Even if it is just the A4A profile that says “no Fat, no Fem”)  I want you to understand that sometimes, in our own minds we marginalize ourselves before our community even gets a chance!  This is something that I have to work on myself…just remember, Senora Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am going to send you un beso grande y un abrazo fuerte! 

Gracias Querido for Asking Argenta!