Uncomfortably Numb

Argenta,

I think I am sexually numb. It has gotten to the point that I have slept with guys way into the triple digits, but only actually wanted to sleep with a handful of them. Its like I can't help myself. I feel like I do it to feed to something deep within me that is never truly fed. A craving for contact or closeness that perhaps I never feel like I truly achieve.

I don't want to be like this anymore, but I don't know how to stop. I'm always safe during a hook up, but its gotten so extreme that sometimes I will hook up with someone and then drive to another guys house right after. What is wrong with me? Why can't I control myself?

Dear Numb,

Papi, sometimes in our lives we need to feel that closeness to someone else. That is so natural! I like to feel close to a number of men; Mr. Cartier & Mr. Lauren are my favorite! But, this isn’t about me. 

Primer, “Buen trabajo, Papi” (good job) on playing safe!  You know Argenta loves that! Some old dead man once said: “Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie” (I Googly’d it).  Now, I don’t really know what that means (sometimes old dead people sound smarter); But, I think that you answered your own question.  You said, “I feel like I do it to feed to something deep within me that is never truly fed. A craving for contact or closeness that perhaps I never feel like I truly achieve.”   See you already know the T, Papi.  Let me tell you something, first you have acknowledged within yourself something. Now, Baby, the next step is to try and do something about it. If you truly want change, YOU CAN! 

Mi mamá used to tell me “Al buen entendedor, pocas palabras bastan” which loosely translate to “a good listener is one of few words”.  I would recommend talking to someone who knows a lot about this professionally.  They know stuff too! Let me tell you, Papi, they have helped Miss Argenta many times.  There is nothing wrong with talking to people who can be objective and know stuff too. 

Papi, one time Miss Argenta thought she had lost her mind. (I had only misplaced it)  I went right into that office and said “Argenta needs to talk!” do you know that they took me back and let me talk about myself for one whole hour.  Ay Dios, that’s my favorite subject!  This little mami really helped me.  If you would like those resources email me.

The other thing I love to do is to be with my people! I love to meet and sit with them and listen to their stories! It is always fun to make new friends that make you feel good about you without sex.   There is nothing better than un abrazo fuerte (a strong hug) from a un buen amigo to make you feel warm and fuzzy.  There are lots of ways to make new friends.  You could join a club or go to events for the community.  You can check out our calendar on this blog or contact the GLBT Student Services for their calendar.  I will tell you the Men of Illumenate make this Diva feel good.  (They even gave me my own blog!) Try something new that will make you feel good about YOU!

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am going to send you un beso grande (a big kiss) y un abrazo fuerte! 

Graias Querido (thank you love), for Asking Argenta! 

Argenta! 

I always feel uncomfortable in places with a lot of gay people. I always feel judged whenever I go to the bar or a gay party. I like hanging with gay people, but in mass quantities I always freeze up. What does that say about me?

Dear Uncomfortable,

Ay querido, I have been there, done that, got a t-shirt, and wrote a country song, but now I am Country Strong!   Let me tell you a story.

When I was a little girl in los Pampas, I always felt different.  Little did I know that was just the feeling of being a Diva.  Anyway, I did not want to hang out with all the other little girls or boys because I always felt that someone was gonna judge me.  Maybe I didn’t have the right clothes or shoes or the right words.  Ay querido, I just felt so right in the wrong place.

When I moved to Bloomington, that first week I went to the bar.  Ay, they were like vultures to a carcass. Everyone wanted to know who this Beautiful Creature was!  So it seemed like I was right back in los Pampas, everyone looking at and talking about me.  I stood there like a, cómo se dice, a deer in head lights. Then I realized, let them talk, let them look…that will make me famous!

Let me get back to your question. Baby, first I need to know what “mass quantities” are and then we need to figure out why nobody invited Argenta!  Sometimes it is a hard road to come out and find a community of your own.  It may seem like people are judging you, but most often that is not the case.  Sometimes, it’s just that they don’t know you.  Our community is a very close knit group.  When we see someone who we have never seen before, it is very easy to put up the defenses and call a threat level orange. 

Another point I would like to make is, sometimes, we do not accept ourselves as much as we should.  They call this Internalized Homophobia. (I Googly’d that too) This may make us feel uncomfortable around other gay people.  This is very common in someone that has just come out. 

I will tell you this.  There are so many beautiful people in our community.  One thing that I have done to get over my shyness is to walk up to people and introduce myself.  Find out a little about them, people love to talk about themselves.  Once you make yourself do this a couple of times, then it will become second nature.  And don’t worry about the haters, haters gonna hate!  Just remember to do you boo, do you!

Well, that is what I have to say about it.  So, I am going to send you un beso grande y un abrazo fuerte! 

Graias Querido for Asking Argenta! 

Argenta!